When you’re low, well-meaning advice like “keep your chin up” or “it’ll be fine” can feel hollow, and even kind of annoying.
Real life is more complicated, and sometimes a strong push in the right direction just isn’t enough. If being happy-go-lucky and pulling yourself out of a bad place was as easy as positive thinking, no one would struggle with low moods! Here’s why it’s not always as easy as just snapping yourself out of it when you feel terrible.
1. There’s too much pressure to be “okay.”
A lot of pressure comes from the belief that everyone should be able to bounce back straight away. You might look around and feel like people in your social circle, at work, or on television handle setbacks effortlessly. This can create the feeling that you’re failing if you don’t recover at the same pace. According to a 2020 paper in the British Journal of Psychology, societal standards can raise stress levels and prolong low moods. The study found that people who believed they should always look happy were more likely to experience anxiety when they couldn’t live up to that image. When you’re already down, the added burden of not meeting these grand expectations only makes things tougher.
2. You’re still lugging around pain from your past.
Unpleasant experiences can have a lasting effect, creating a sense of dread that history might repeat itself. Memories of mishaps, heartbreak, or disappointment can colour your outlook on new opportunities. You might feel frozen, not wanting to risk further hurt. Perhaps unsurprisingly, unresolved baggage from the past can magnify feelings of worry in the present. It’s not just the event itself, but the negative thoughts that swirl around and cling to your confidence. Letting go can be a slow process, requiring steady self-awareness and, in some cases, professional help.
3. You’re scared of failing.
Fear can be paralysing, and you might decide it’s safer not to try at all if there’s even the slightest chance of being let down again. This way of thinking can keep you from exploring possibilities or seizing chances that could improve your situation. A 2019 report from Mind UK found that anxiety about failing was a leading cause of people avoiding challenges, whether at work or in personal relationships. While protecting yourself might feel like the best route, it can also trap you in a cycle where you don’t experience the small successes needed to restore your sense of hope.
4. Your life lacks routine or structure.
Without a consistent plan for your day, small tasks can turn into enormous hurdles. You might find it difficult to roll out of bed at a set time, keep on top of everyday chores, or organise your thoughts. This lack of order can amplify a sense of chaos and make it even harder to get back on track. Establishing a pattern, even something as simple as waking up at the same time every morning, can provide a sense of stability. A 2021 study in The Lancet Psychiatry found that people with regular sleep and wake times reported fewer mood fluctuations over a four-week period, which makes a lot of sense. Routines can create a solid foundation, but putting them into place requires a bit of drive you might struggle to access when feeling down.
5. You judge yourself too harshly.
We tend to be kind to friends who are going through a rough patch. Unfortunately, we don’t always extend that same kindness to ourselves. If your inner voice is constantly saying you’re not good enough, it’s tough to bounce back and find motivation. University of Texas professor Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion has shown that treating yourself kindly can reduce feelings of shame and increase emotional resilience. However, it’s far easier to beat yourself up over perceived failures than to offer the same warmth you’d give someone else. Learning to pause and talk to yourself with understanding can be an important step toward recovery.
6. Your physical health impacts your mental health.
Body and mind are closely linked. If you’re run down, sleeping poorly, or struggling with a long-term condition, finding the energy to push through the darkness can feel nearly impossible. Stress can weaken your resolve, making it tougher to face emotional hurdles. According to the NHS website, chronic fatigue or inconsistent sleep can compound low moods. Even simple steps, like proper hydration, short walks, or more consistent bedtimes, can nudge you in the right direction. However, when your physical state is off-balance, mustering the will to change everyday habits can be a real battle.
7. You feel judged by the people around you.
You might worry that friends, family, or colleagues expect you to be cheery all the time. The fear of looking like a “downer” can push you to hide your struggles, which only adds another layer of stress. This social pressure can become a wall between you and real emotional support. A lot of people fail to open up about their mood because they’re worried about negative reactions from those around them. Instead of seeking comfort, they withdraw, which can prolong and intensify feelings of sadness. It’s not just about being sad; it’s also about feeling lonely in that sadness.
8. You’re worrying too much about the future.
Bills, job uncertainty, or problems at home can lurk in the back of your mind, casting a grey cloud over daily life. If you’re constantly aware of potential problems on the horizon, you might not feel confident enough to rally your spirits. Stanford University released findings in 2020 revealing that constant concerns about money or employment can lead to prolonged low moods and trouble concentrating on daily tasks — not that we needed a study to tell us that. Trying to ignore these issues rarely works, but facing them might feel overwhelming when your energy is already at rock bottom.
9. You don’t have a strong enough support network.
Good support can make a world of difference, but not everyone has that cushion. If your relationships are shaky, or if you’ve moved to a new location without close friends, you may feel incredibly isolated. It can be much harder to shake off sadness when you don’t have someone to lean on. Even having a few people you trust can help. A 2018 paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships reported that quality of relationships, rather than quantity, was linked to improved emotional well-being. It’s not about the number of people in your life, but whether they genuinely understand and support you.
10. You give into the temptation to compare too often.
It’s quite common to look at someone else who seems to have everything together and wonder why you can’t do the same. This comparison trap can worsen low moods, as you may feel incompetent or flawed by contrast. Social media often adds fuel to the fire, showing success stories without the backstory of mistakes or hidden struggles. We all know by now that regular social media use can raise feelings of inadequacy, particularly in people already dealing with self-esteem issues. What you see online is usually a highlight reel, not the whole picture. Yet it’s hard to remember that when you’re already feeling vulnerable.
11. You feel guilty about self-care.
Sometimes you know exactly what might help you feel better — a quiet weekend at home, a walk in the park, or setting aside time for a hobby. However, you might feel guilty about stepping back from daily demands, believing you’re being lazy or ignoring responsibilities. Therapists interviewed by the BBC in 2022 noted that guilt often stops people from taking necessary breaks, causing further exhaustion. This guilt loop means you never fully unplug to recharge, so you end up running on fumes. Giving yourself permission to rest can be a key turning point, but only if you manage to break that guilt cycle.
12. You feel like change isn’t possible.
Repeated disappointments can lead to a grey outlook on life. If every attempt to make a change has ended poorly, you might begin to believe nothing will ever improve. This sense of no hope can be paralysing, draining any motivation to stand up and try again. Hopelessness is often linked with prolonged low moods, making it harder for a person to see solutions right in front of them. It can create a mental block that needs time, and sometimes professional assistance, to shift.
13. You’re reluctant to ask for help, even though you know you need it.
It can be tough to admit you’re struggling, especially if you’re used to handling things on your own. You might worry that reaching out is a sign of weakness or that you’ll be judged for not having it all sorted. Meanwhile, tackling your emotional load solo can drag out the process of getting better. A 2019 review by the British Psychological Society indicated that many people delay speaking with a GP or a counsellor due to fear of appearing incapable. Yet those who did seek professional advice often reported improvement in both mood and self-confidence. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you value your well-being enough to look for the right support.
14. You have unrealistic ideas about feeling better.
We’re all fed stories of dramatic transformations where someone wakes up one day and everything has miraculously turned around. In real life, emotional healing is usually more gradual. Holding on to the idea that it should happen all at once can lead to frustration whenever you have a wobble. A 2020 meta-analysis in the Journal of Psychological Research revealed that steady improvement over weeks or months is more common than overnight changes. Tiny, consistent steps, such as journaling, calling a friend, or taking short walks, often add up to a brighter outlook. Expecting a sudden burst of positivity can set you up for disappointment when it doesn’t arrive.
15. You haven’t found your ‘why.’
Finding your footing again can be hard when you don’t have a tangible reason to aim for. Perhaps you’re unsure about your career, your social circle, or your personal goals. Without a direction, even small tasks can feel pointless. Having at least one manageable objective to spark a sense of purpose can really help here. It could be something small, like finishing a book you’ve meant to read or learning a new skill. Having a concrete target can give you that nudge to stand up and try, even when your mood is low.
