“Having it all” is the dream that’s been sold to us for years—the idea that we can have the perfect career, relationship, family, health, and social life, all while looking fabulous and staying on top of it all. It sounds like the ultimate goal, doesn’t it? But here’s the truth: chasing the notion of having everything in life can do more harm than good. In fact, it’s often an unrealistic and stressful pursuit that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and disconnected from what truly matters.
The pressure to have it all, do it all, and be everything to everyone is not only exhausting—it’s also bad for your mental health. Here’s why.
It sets unrealistic expectations.
The concept of “having it all” is built on the idea that perfection is attainable— that you can excel in every area of your life all at once. But life doesn’t work that way. We can’t do everything perfectly, and expecting ourselves to leads to constant disappointment. The reality is that juggling multiple roles and responsibilities will always involve sacrifices. No one has everything together all the time, no matter how flawless it may look from the outside. Striving for perfection only sets you up for failure, leaving you feeling inadequate and stressed when you inevitably fall short.
It encourages self-neglect.
When you’re focused on achieving the top tier of everything in life, you’re often giving your attention to everything and everyone except yourself. In an attempt to meet the expectations you’ve set for yourself, you might neglect your own well-being, both physically and mentally. Working long hours, ignoring self-care, and skipping rest or relaxation in pursuit of success or achievement is a recipe for burnout. You can’t take care of other people, your career, or your responsibilities if you’re not taking care of yourself first. Wellness isn’t about doing everything—it’s about knowing when to slow down and focus on your own needs.
It promotes constant comparison.
The idea of “having it all” is often reinforced by the constant stream of curated images and updates on social media. Whether it’s the perfect holiday, the flawless family photo, or the perfect work-life balance, it can feel like everyone else has everything together. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and lower self-esteem. But what we see online is rarely the full picture. Social media doesn’t show the struggles, the stress, or the behind-the-scenes work that goes into creating those moments. Trying to keep up with other people only distracts you from appreciating where you are in your own journey.
It creates a never-ending to-do list.
When you’re trying to “have it all,” there’s always something more to do. You might check one thing off your to-do list, only to add three more. This never-ending cycle can leave you feeling like you’re constantly chasing something, without ever feeling satisfied or at peace. The pressure to constantly achieve more can make it feel impossible to enjoy the present moment because you’re always looking ahead to the next task or milestone. This can create a sense of exhaustion and dissatisfaction, even when you’re technically achieving a lot.
It ignores your priorities.
Chasing the dream of “having it all” can cause you to lose sight of what really matters to you. You might get so caught up in ticking boxes that you forget to pause and ask yourself, “What do I actually want?” It’s easy to get swept up in societal pressures to have the perfect career, family, and social life, but these may not align with your personal values or desires. Without recognising and prioritising what truly makes you happy, you can end up achieving a life that looks perfect on paper but feels unfulfilling in practice.
It contributes to burnout.
When you’re constantly trying to balance every aspect of your life—work, family, relationships, hobbies—it’s easy to overextend yourself. Having everything — at least the things society tells you that you should want — often requires pushing yourself beyond your limits, and that can lead to burnout. Burnout occurs when you’re mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from the demands you’re putting on yourself. Rather than thriving, you find yourself just trying to keep up. Taking on too much and expecting too much of yourself can leave you feeling depleted, unmotivated, and detached from your true goals and desires.
It takes the joy out of life.
When you’re fixated on “having it all,” you might start to treat everything like a checklist or a goal to be accomplished. Life becomes a series of tasks to tick off rather than experiences to enjoy. The joy and satisfaction that come from simply living in the moment are often overlooked in the pursuit of the next achievement. Without taking time to savour life as it is—flaws, imperfections, and all—you miss out on the richness that comes from being present and appreciating what you have right now.
It leaves little room for flexibility.
Life is unpredictable, and there will always be moments when things don’t go according to plan. Having the best of everything often means being overly rigid and inflexible, leaving little room for change or adaptation. If you’re stuck trying to maintain a perfect life, it can be difficult to roll with the punches when things go wrong. Flexibility and resilience are key to navigating life’s ups and downs, but if you’re constantly trying to meet impossible expectations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when things don’t go your way.
It encourages a go-go-go mentality.
The hustle culture that surrounds “having it all” encourages a constant state of doing, pushing, and striving. But living in a state of perpetual motion can be exhausting. When we never allow ourselves to slow down, it’s easy to burn out. Rest, reflection, and relaxation are just as important as productivity and success. Taking time to pause and recharge is necessary to sustain long-term happiness and health. If you’re always pushing forward, you’re likely ignoring the signals from your body and mind that need a break.
It can strain relationships.
Trying to have it all often means dividing your attention and energy across multiple areas of your life. When you’re spread too thin, it can be hard to devote quality time and attention to your relationships. Whether it’s your partner, children, or friends, they can feel neglected when you’re constantly focused on achieving more. Healthy relationships require time, effort, and presence—things that are hard to give when you’re trying to juggle everything at once. Ultimately, trying to have everything can leave you feeling disconnected from the people who matter most.
It creates a fear of missing out.
As you try to juggle everything, there’s a constant fear of missing out on something else. Maybe it’s work opportunities, family events, or a chance to pursue your hobbies. “Having it all” can create an overwhelming sense that you need to do everything, and do it perfectly. This fear of missing out can make it difficult to enjoy the present moment, as you’re always worried about what you could be doing instead.
It encourages perfectionism.
In the quest to “have it all” perfectionism often creeps in. The desire to excel in every area of your life can create unrealistic expectations for yourself. Perfectionism can lead to anxiety, self-criticism, and an inability to accept anything less than flawless results. But perfection is unattainable—and aiming for it only sets you up for disappointment and frustration. Learning to embrace imperfection is key to finding peace and happiness.
It can lead to unnecessary self-sacrifice.
To try and accomplish and earn every possible thing in life, many people sacrifice their own needs, desires, and well-being. They give up personal time, self-care, and rest in the name of achieving more. But constantly putting yourself last can lead to resentment, burnout, and unhappiness. To truly thrive, you need to take care of yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s a moving target.
No matter how hard you try, the goal posts are always moving. Once you reach one milestone, there’s always another to chase. The target is always changing, and this constant pursuit can leave you feeling like you’re never truly satisfied. True happiness doesn’t come from achieving a moving goal—it comes from appreciating the present moment and learning to find contentment where you are.
It doesn’t allow you to redefine success on your own terms.
The idea of “having it all” is an ideal that’s more likely to drain your energy and hurt your mental health than bring you happiness. Instead of chasing perfection, try redefining success on your own terms. Focus on what really matters to you, and let go of the pressure to do everything. Real fulfilment comes from balance, acceptance, and learning that you don’t need to have it all to live a meaningful, happy life.
