Self-care is supposed to be the thing that helps you feel better, right? But sometimes, it can end up feeling like just another thing to check off the list, another source of pressure. When your self-care routine starts adding stress instead of relieving it, something’s off. What started as a way to prioritise your well-being can turn into a burden. If you’ve found yourself feeling more overwhelmed by your self-care schedule than soothed by it, don’t worry — you’re definitely not the only one. Here’s what to do when your self-care routine becomes another thing to stress about.
1. Let go of perfection, once and for all.
There’s no rule that says self-care has to look a certain way. Whether it’s skincare, meditation, yoga, or whatever else you’ve put in your routine, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking it has to be perfect. You might feel like you’re not doing it “right” or that you’re somehow failing if you skip a day or don’t do it exactly as you planned. But here’s the thing: self-care isn’t about perfection; it’s about what makes you feel good. Stop holding yourself to some idealised version of self-care. If your routine feels like a checklist, it’s time to simplify and embrace flexibility. Let go of the idea that it has to be done a certain way or that you’re failing if you’re not doing everything. Your routine should work for you, not the other way around.
2. Focus on what genuinely makes you feel good.
It’s easy to get caught up in what self-care “should” look like, like the image of the perfect morning routine with meditation, yoga, and green smoothies. But if those things aren’t actually making you feel good, why force them into your life? Self-care is personal. Some people find peace in quiet time, others in getting active, while some might unwind with a good book. If your routine is feeling like a chore, it might be time to reassess and ask yourself what really makes you feel restored. For example, maybe you’re trying to be the type of person who meditates every morning, but honestly, you’re just not into it. That’s fine! Instead, think about things that genuinely help you feel better, whether it’s walking your dog, going for a coffee, or even just listening to music. Focus on the things that actually work for you, not what you think “self-care” is supposed to look like.
3. Simplify your routine.
Sometimes we try to do too much. You might have a 10-step skincare routine, hour-long workout sessions, or an entire evening dedicated to self-care, and it can start to feel exhausting. If you’re feeling stressed by your self-care regimen, it’s time to cut back. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Self-care can be as simple as taking a few minutes to breathe, stretch, or enjoy a cup of tea. Start by trimming down your routine to what’s truly necessary, and ditch the extras that are only adding to your stress. A simplified self-care routine will feel way more manageable and will give you more time to enjoy life, rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.
4. Be realistic with your time.
If you’re trying to fit in a lengthy self-care routine during a packed day, it’s no wonder it feels like a source of stress. The key is being realistic with your time. Don’t try to cram a 30-minute meditation or hour-long workout into a schedule that’s already bursting. It’s important to plan your self-care around what’s actually doable, not just what you think you “should” do. If you only have 10 minutes, make those 10 minutes count, whether that’s a quick breathing exercise, a short walk, or just sitting in silence for a moment. The goal isn’t to have the longest or most elaborate routine; it’s to make sure that whatever you’re doing feels doable and, most importantly, beneficial.
5. Stop comparing your routine to other people’s.
With social media, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. You might see someone with a seemingly perfect self-care routine — working out at sunrise, meditating for hours, eating only organic food — and feel like you’re falling short. But everyone’s self-care is different, and it’s important to remember that what works for someone else may not work for you. Instead of comparing, focus on what you need and what feels right for you. No one else’s routine is a one-size-fits-all solution. Your self-care is unique to you, and that’s the way it should be.
6. Don’t feel guilty for taking a break.
Sometimes the most important thing for your mental health is simply taking a break from your routine. If you’re exhausted, the idea of adding more things to your to-do list, like your self-care routine, can feel overwhelming. Don’t feel guilty for skipping a day or taking a break. Self-care is meant to nourish you, not stress you out. If resting and giving yourself a break is what you need, then that’s the most important thing you can do for yourself in that moment. It’s okay to pause and come back to your routine when you’re ready. Rest is a part of self-care, too.
7. Be nicer to yourself, for goodness’ sake!
Sometimes we get frustrated with ourselves when we feel like we’re not “doing enough” or not sticking to our routine. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when things aren’t going according to plan, but self-compassion is key. Instead of beating yourself up for not following your self-care routine to the letter, give yourself some grace. Life gets in the way sometimes, and that’s okay. Be kind to yourself, and recognise that it’s normal to slip up now and then. Self-compassion will help you feel better about where you are, instead of putting pressure on yourself to be perfect.
8. Make self-care a part of your everyday life, not just a special event.
Sometimes, self-care can feel like a big event, like it’s something you only do when you’re feeling burnt out or need a special treat. But self-care should be an ongoing part of your everyday routine. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming; it can be as simple as taking a few minutes each morning to breathe deeply or making sure you drink enough water throughout the day. By weaving self-care into your regular routine, it becomes something that helps you function better, rather than something that feels like an extra responsibility.
9. Focus on how you feel, not what you think you should do.
When you’re stressed out, it’s easy to think you should be doing this or that for self-care, based on what others tell you or what you see on social media. But self-care isn’t about what you should do; it’s about what feels good for you. Pay attention to how you feel after you try different activities; some things might leave you feeling relaxed and restored, while others might feel like just one more thing to do. Trust yourself and listen to your body and mind about what helps you feel at ease.
10. Let go of the idea that self-care needs to be “fancy” or expensive.
You don’t need a whole skincare routine with fancy products, a spa day, or a fitness membership to practice self-care. Self-care doesn’t need to cost a lot of money or require special equipment. It’s the simple things that matter most, like enjoying some peace and quiet, sitting in the garden to soak up some vitamin D, journaling, or cooking a meal you love. Let go of the notion that self-care has to be fancy or expensive. It’s about what makes you feel good, not what looks good on paper.
