One of the hardest parts about dealing with mental health challenges is realising that not everyone around you gets it.
You might try to open up, only to be met with confusion, silence, or even the classic “just think positive” response. It doesn’t mean your friends are bad people—it just means they might not have the experience, language, or emotional tools to support you in the way you hoped. That disconnect can feel lonely, frustrating, and unfair. But there are ways to protect your peace, set clearer expectations, and still honour your own experience without feeling like you need to justify it all the time. Here’s how to handle it when the people you care about don’t fully understand what you’re going through.
1. Accept that not everyone will get it, and that’s not a reflection on you.
It’s painful when your friends can’t meet you where you are, but it doesn’t mean your struggles are too much or that you’re failing at communicating them. Some people just don’t know how to process what you’re sharing, especially if it challenges their idea of what emotions “should” look like.
Instead of taking it as rejection, try to see it as a mismatch in experience. They might care deeply but lack the language or empathy to show it properly. It doesn’t make your reality any less valid. It just means you may need different support elsewhere.
2. Say what you need, clearly and simply.
It can be easy to assume people should just “get it,” especially when you’re feeling raw. But your friends aren’t mind readers. Sometimes they want to help, but genuinely don’t know how. Telling them directly what you need, whether that’s space, distraction, or just someone to sit with you—gives them a way to show up without guessing.
You don’t have to give a full emotional rundown. A simple “I don’t need advice right now, I just need you to listen” or “I’m struggling a bit, would you mind checking in later?” can go a long way. It doesn’t make you demanding; it just makes you clearer.
3. Don’t internalise their discomfort.
When people seem awkward or pull away, it’s tempting to think you’ve made them uncomfortable by being honest. But more often than not, they’re just wrestling with their own discomfort or lack of experience with mental health topics. That’s their work, not yours.
Your honesty isn’t the problem. You’re not “too much” for talking about what’s real. It just bumps up against whatever they haven’t learned to hold space for yet. You’re not responsible for managing their reactions to your truth.
4. Find language that helps you explain it your way.
You don’t owe anyone a polished explanation of your mental health—but having a few go-to ways to describe what’s going on can help reduce that disconnect. Whether it’s metaphors, short comparisons, or just saying “It’s like carrying a heavy weight all the time,” it helps people picture what they can’t feel themselves.
That doesn’t mean dumbing things down or performing your pain. It just means creating a bridge between your experience and their understanding. Sometimes the right phrasing makes space for empathy where defensiveness would’ve stepped in.
5. Keep the conversation open, but don’t force it.
You might want a big, deep talk that clears everything up, but not everyone’s ready for that. Plus, if you push too hard for understanding, it can backfire. Letting the door stay open—“Hey, I’m happy to talk more about this when you’re ready”—creates room for future growth without forcing a moment that’s not there yet.
It’s okay to leave some conversations unfinished. People often come around in their own time, especially when they see you continuing to live honestly without needing constant approval for it.
6. Create boundaries, and don’t feel bad about it.
If someone consistently makes you feel judged, dismissed, or emotionally drained after opening up, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re allowed to create space, even from people you care about, when their presence makes healing harder. Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic. It can be as simple as sharing less with them or choosing lighter conversations. You’re not cutting them off—you’re just protecting the parts of yourself that need gentleness and safety right now.
7. Find community where you don’t need to over-explain.
It makes a world of difference to be around people who just get it. Whether it’s online groups, local support networks, or even friends of friends who’ve been through something similar, shared experience cuts through the need for justification. Even one or two people who meet you with understanding can help ease the sting of other people not getting it. You don’t need a huge support circle—just a few people who let you show up as you are.
8. Don’t use their reaction to measure your progress.
It’s easy to slip into thinking, “If they don’t take this seriously, maybe it’s not that bad,” or “Maybe I’m just being dramatic.” However, someone else’s lack of understanding doesn’t mean you’re exaggerating or making things up. Your progress and your pain are real, even if they’re invisible to other people. You don’t need their validation to trust your own experience. Keep doing the work for you, not for their approval.
9. Educate gently, if you have the energy.
Sometimes people aren’t dismissive—they’re just clueless. If you feel up for it, sharing a simple article, a short video, or even a few sentences about what depression or anxiety actually feels like can open their eyes a bit. You don’t have to take on the role of therapist or explainer. However, even a small nudge toward awareness can help people move from discomfort to compassion. Just make sure you’re not draining yourself in the process.
10. Recognise the difference between ignorance and insensitivity.
There’s a big gap between someone not knowing the right thing to say and someone constantly making it worse. A friend who’s awkward, but trying is different from one who’s dismissive, mocking, or makes it all about them. Give grace where it’s earned, but don’t excuse harmful behaviour in the name of misunderstanding. It’s not your job to absorb harm just because someone “means well.” Intent matters, but impact matters more.
11. Build emotional safety somewhere else.
If your current circle doesn’t feel safe, it might be time to gently expand it. That doesn’t mean dropping your old friends—it just means finding space where you can be more fully yourself without having to brace for a reaction. Whether it’s a therapist, a group chat, or even journaling until you find your people, building emotional safety matters. You deserve a place where you don’t have to question whether your struggles are valid.
12. Let go of the idea that understanding = love.
It’s natural to think, “If they really cared, they’d get it.” However, love and understanding don’t always arrive at the same time. Some friends might love you deeply and still struggle to grasp what you’re feeling because they’ve never been there themselves. That doesn’t excuse them ignoring your needs, but it does help reframe your expectations. People can care without knowing exactly how to help. That’s why clarity and boundaries are so important—they help bridge the gap.
13. Trust your own truth, even when it’s quiet.
You might not have the words for everything. You might second-guess yourself when no one around you is mirroring what you feel. The thing is, your inner experience still matters, even if it doesn’t make sense to the people around you. Part of healing is learning to trust your inner compass again. It’s okay if no one else sees the full picture. You do. That’s where strength starts to grow—from believing yourself, even when it’s not echoed back.
14. Look for other forms of support.
When friends fall short, it doesn’t mean you have nowhere to turn. Sometimes a therapist, a mentor, or even a hotline gives you the kind of support your circle can’t. That doesn’t make your friendships less valuable. It just means different people offer different things.
You’re allowed to need more than your friends can give. Reaching out elsewhere isn’t betrayal—it’s self-preservation. You deserve support that fits the shape of what you’re going through, not just what other people are comfortable with.
15. Keep showing up for yourself, even when other people don’t.
The hardest part is when it feels like you’re carrying it all alone. But even if no one else understands your path, you can still choose to walk it. You can still rest when you need to, talk kindly to yourself, and honour the work you’re doing to stay afloat. Your healing doesn’t need to be visible to be real. Every time you choose to take care of yourself instead of waiting for someone else to “get it,” you’re proving that your mental health matters, even if no one else claps for it.
