We’re all for talking openly about mental health, but it gets tricky when people start using it as a free pass for how they treat others.
Having anxiety, trauma, or depression doesn’t mean someone’s a bad person. However, it also doesn’t excuse cruelty, manipulation, or disrespect. There’s a difference between struggling and refusing to take responsibility. Here are some of the ways people use mental health to excuse bad behaviour, and why it’s important to call that out with honesty and compassion.
1. Blaming anger issues on anxiety
It’s completely valid to feel anxious—and yes, anxiety can cause irritability. Hoqwcwe, when someone regularly snaps, lashes out, or becomes aggressive and then shrugs it off with “I have anxiety,” it stops being about mental health and starts becoming emotional damage control.
Anxiety isn’t a licence to be unkind. Managing it often involves learning to communicate better, not using it to explain away every angry outburst. Everyone deserves compassion, but they also deserve safe interactions.
2. Using depression to avoid accountability
Depression can make everything harder, from getting out of bed to replying to messages. But if someone continually uses it to dismiss how they’ve hurt other people, especially if it’s been pointed out gently and with care, it can start to feel like a shield against growth.
There’s a difference between struggling and shutting people down. Being depressed doesn’t mean you’re incapable of listening or making changes. Avoiding all responsibility under the blanket of mental health isn’t fair to anyone involved.
3. Justifying manipulative behaviour with past trauma
Trauma is real, and it shapes how people move through relationships, but it’s not an excuse to control, guilt-trip, or emotionally blackmail anyone else. When someone says, “I act this way because of what I’ve been through,” and never tries to do better, it crosses a line. Healing is tough, but it has to include self-awareness. If someone refuses to work on how they treat people because they’re too caught up in their own wounds, they’re not just hurting—they’re harming.
4. Ghosting and blaming it on social battery
Not having the energy to talk sometimes is normal, especially for people who feel drained by social interaction. That being said, disappearing without explanation for days or weeks and then saying “I just needed to protect my energy” doesn’t make the confusion any easier for the other person.
It’s okay to need space. What’s not okay is leaving people in the dark without any communication, then expecting everything to pick back up where it left off. Consideration doesn’t cost much, even a quick heads-up can go a long way.
5. Weaponising diagnoses in arguments
When someone uses their diagnosis as a trump card to shut down any disagreement—“You can’t say that to me, I have [X]”—it becomes nearly impossible to have honest conversations. The focus moves away from the actual issue and onto their identity as someone struggling.
Being mentally ill doesn’t mean you’re never in the wrong. Healthy relationships allow space for both accountability and support. If someone can’t be challenged on anything because of their mental health, that’s not connection—it’s control.
6. Using “I can’t help it” as a reason for harmful habits
When someone continually says, “That’s just how I am” or “I can’t change it, it’s my mental health,” they’re often resisting growth. While some patterns are deeply ingrained, they’re not always permanent, and blaming them entirely on a condition can hold everyone back.
Change is slow, but it has to be attempted. Hurting people while waving the “I can’t help it” flag may be a sign of deeper resistance, not incapacity. Mental health is a context—not a full explanation for every repeated behaviour.
7. Expecting other people to manage their emotions for them
It’s one thing to lean on people for support. It’s another to expect them to constantly tiptoe around your triggers, avoid hard truths, or take on the weight of your emotional state. That can quickly turn into emotional dependence. Everyone has limits. If you regularly expect someone else to regulate your feelings or stop talking about their own struggles because it overwhelms you, that’s not mental health care—it’s imbalance.
8. Refusing to apologise due to emotional overwhelm
Some people genuinely find conflict and confrontation unbearable. But dodging every apology or repair conversation and saying “I can’t handle it right now” for weeks—or forever—can definitely destroy trust. It’s okay to ask for time. It’s not okay to leave things unresolved indefinitely while expecting the other person to move on without clarity. Mental health might explain the delay, but it doesn’t cancel the need to take ownership.
9. Controlling other people under the name of boundaries
Healthy boundaries are about protecting your peace, not policing someone else’s behaviour. Sadly, some people twist the concept—saying things like “My mental health can’t handle you talking to that person” or “If you loved me, you wouldn’t go out tonight.” This isn’t a boundary—it’s control with a mental health label slapped on. True boundaries involve self-regulation, not manipulating other people into compliance.
10. Overusing therapy speak as a defence mechanism
Words like “gaslighting,” “toxic,” and “triggering” are everywhere now, but when used to dodge feedback or shut people down, they can become tools for avoidance. Just because something makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s abuse. Mental health language should help us connect, not wall ourselves off. When someone uses therapy terms to win an argument instead of grow through it, it becomes performative, not helpful.
11. Expecting forgiveness without effort
Struggling with mental health doesn’t mean you don’t have to earn trust back. If someone hurts you and says, “Well, you know I have issues,” but never takes steps to change, the apology starts to feel empty. It’s fair to want grace. But grace without accountability isn’t healing—it’s enabling. Real repair requires action, not just explanation.
12. Assuming other people should tolerate poor treatment forever
Some people believe their struggles entitle them to unconditional patience, no matter how often they cross the line. However, empathy has limits, especially when it’s one-sided and draining. Everyone deserves understanding, but that doesn’t mean putting up with disrespect or chaos indefinitely. Mental health struggles don’t erase the need for mutual care and respect.
13. Using trauma as a “get out of jail free” card
Unprocessed trauma can cause all kinds of responses, but it can’t be used to justify consistently harmful behaviour. If someone refuses to get help, shuts down every time something hard comes up, and lashes out at anyone who questions it, they’re not healing—they’re hiding. Trauma isn’t a free pass to mistreat people. It deserves support and compassion—but also accountability. Growth means facing your past, not making everyone else pay for it.
14. Acting like self-awareness is enough
Some people are great at naming their issues: “I know I have commitment issues” or “I tend to push people away.” Of course, if that awareness never turns into action, it becomes a shield instead of a step forward. Knowing your patterns is the first step. But if someone keeps doing the same hurtful things and thinks pointing it out makes it okay, they’re using mental health talk to sidestep real change.
15. Playing the victim in every conflict
It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing yourself as the constant victim when you’re going through a lot. But when someone turns every disagreement into “everyone’s against me,” it shuts down communication fast. This kind of defensiveness makes people walk on eggshells. Struggles don’t make you immune to being called out, and honest conversations don’t always mean attack. It’s possible to be hurting and still be in the wrong.
16. Assuming other people can read your mind
When someone’s struggling mentally, it can be hard to communicate. But expecting others to just “know” what you’re feeling or needing, and then blaming them when they don’t, can ruin relationships. No one’s a mind reader. It’s okay to need help, reassurance, or space—but it’s also okay to say that out loud. People can only meet you where you are if you show them where that is.
