Anxiety has a way of creeping into your life and slowly changing how you act, think, and feel. Over time, it can shape you into someone you don’t really recognise—someone who’s hyper-vigilant, worried, and disconnected from who you truly are. The crazy thing is, when anxiety takes hold, it can make you forget what it’s like to just be yourself. You may start to feel like your anxious thoughts and fears are who you are, but trust me, they’re not. There’s a version of you out there — the real you — who is more calm, confident, and connected. If anxiety has been leading the way for a while, here’s how you know it might be turning you into someone unrecognisable, and some ways to find your way back to the person you were meant to be.
You second-guess absolutely everything.
Whether it’s what to wear, what to eat, or how to respond to a text, anxiety makes you overthink every choice. You lose confidence in your ability to make decisions, and what used to be simple becomes overwhelming. The real you doesn’t need to ask everyone around you for approval or question yourself constantly. To reconnect with that version of yourself, start by trusting your gut. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you trust yourself, the easier it becomes.
You start avoiding situations that make you anxious.
Maybe it’s social events, work presentations, or even just meeting new people. Anxiety convinces you that it’s easier to just not deal with things than face the fear. The version of you that’s in touch with their real self doesn’t shy away from challenges. To get back to that place, start small. You don’t have to dive into big, scary situations straight away — take tiny steps outside your comfort zone and celebrate every win. You’ll begin to realise that facing fears doesn’t have to break you; it can actually help you grow.
You try to control everything around you.
Anxiety can convince you that the only way to feel safe is to have control over every little thing in your life. Whether it’s the people around you, your environment, or your schedule, you try to make everything predictable and perfect. But the real you knows that control is an illusion. Life will always have uncertainties, and learning to accept that can help release some of that tension. Try focusing on what you can control — like your actions, how you react, and your attitude — and let go of the rest.
You’re constantly on edge.
Anxiety keeps you in a state of heightened alertness, like you’re always waiting for something to go wrong. That sense of being “on” all the time can leave you exhausted, tense, and disconnected from your own peace of mind. The real version of you is capable of being relaxed and at ease. To get back to that place, take moments throughout the day to check in with yourself. Take a few deep breaths, stretch, or do something calming. Finding those small pockets of peace throughout your day can help you unwind and reconnect with the version of you that isn’t always on high alert.
You isolate yourself from everyone.
You may begin to withdraw from social situations, thinking that people won’t understand or that you’ll be judged. This can make you feel even more disconnected from other people and from yourself. The real you is capable of connection and support from the people around you. To get back to that, try reaching out to a friend or family member — even just for a chat. You might find that opening up to people you trust is the first step in breaking the isolation and realising that you don’t have to go through it alone.
You’re always expecting the worst.
Anxiety has a way of making you expect the worst-case scenario at all times. You start to believe that bad things are going to happen and that you can’t catch a break. This constant worrying stops you from enjoying the present and keeps you focused on fear instead of possibility. The real you understands that things don’t always turn out the way you expect. To reconnect with that version of yourself, start challenging those negative thoughts. Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen, and how likely is it?” Often, you’ll realise that the worst-case scenario is unlikely, and you can take action with a calmer, more positive mindset.
You get stuck in overthinking.
When anxiety kicks in, you start overthinking everything. Every little detail is analysed, reanalysed, and worried about until you’re mentally drained. The real you doesn’t need to overanalyse every situation to make decisions. To start breaking the cycle of overthinking, try setting a time limit for decision-making. Whether it’s five minutes or a couple of hours, give yourself a clear time frame to think things through, and then move on.
You lose touch with your desires.
Anxiety can cloud your desires and passions. You start to question what you truly want because you’re so caught up in what you should be doing or what feels safe. The real you knows what excites and inspires you. To reconnect with your desires, ask yourself what brings you joy. What makes you feel alive? Maybe it’s an activity you’ve forgotten about or a dream you’ve pushed aside. Start making space for those passions again, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.
You become hyper-aware of your flaws.
Anxiety can make you focus on your imperfections, to the point where it feels like you can’t do anything right. You may find yourself obsessing over your mistakes, your appearance, or your behaviour. But the real you understands that nobody’s perfect — flaws and all, you’re still worthy. To embrace your true self, practise self-compassion. When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and say, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
You feel like you have to be perfect all the time.
Perfectionism becomes your default setting. Whether it’s your job, your appearance, or your relationships, you feel like you have to get everything just right. But perfection is an unrealistic standard, and it’s not the real you. The true you knows that imperfection is part of being human. To let go of perfectionism, try focusing on progress instead of perfection. Celebrate the little wins, and let go of the idea that you have to do everything perfectly to be valuable.
You lose your sense of humour.
Anxiety tends to take the fun out of things. You may find it harder to laugh, joke around, or enjoy the lighter side of life. The real you has the ability to find humour even in tough situations. To get back to that, give yourself permission to laugh again — even if it feels a little forced at first. Watch something funny, hang out with people who make you laugh, or just enjoy the absurdity of life. Laughter is one of the quickest ways to reconnect with the joy of being you.
You put everyone else’s needs before your own.
Anxiety can make you hyper-focused on other people and their needs, to the point where you lose sight of your own. You may feel like you have to please everyone or constantly put them first. But the real you understands that your needs matter too. To regain that balance, start prioritising yourself. It doesn’t mean being selfish — it just means recognising that you deserve care and attention, too. Taking care of yourself makes it possible for you to be there for the people you care about without burning out.
You doubt your abilities.
When anxiety is in charge, you start to question your abilities and doubt your worth. You may feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve success. But the real you knows you are capable of achieving great things. To remind yourself of your strengths, take some time to reflect on your accomplishments. Write them down, and be proud of how far you’ve come. You are capable, and anxiety doesn’t define your worth.
