People who struggle with mental health aren’t always looking for advice.
More often than not, they just need space to be honest without being shut down. Sadly, a lot of the things people say with good intentions just end up making things worse. You don’t have to be perfect with your words, but knowing what not to say can be just as important as knowing what helps. Here are some things that might seem harmless, but often do more harm than good—and why it’s worth being a bit more mindful.
1. “Just think positive.”
This one sounds harmless, even helpful, but when someone’s in the thick of depression or anxiety, it lands like a brick. You’re not offering hope. You’re telling them that if they just had a better attitude, they wouldn’t feel the way they do. It makes it sound like their pain is a mindset problem, not something real they’re working through.
People with mental health struggles often already blame themselves for not being okay. Telling them to “think positive” just confirms the voice in their head saying they’re not trying hard enough. What helps more is letting them speak without needing to spin it into a silver lining.
2. “It could be worse.”
It’s technically true, sure, but also deeply unhelpful. That kind of comparison invalidates someone’s struggle by implying they don’t have the right to feel as bad as they do. When someone’s hurting, they’re not helped by being reminded that someone else is hurting more.
Saying this shuts down the conversation and adds a layer of guilt to what they’re already feeling. Instead of feeling heard, they feel like they’ve overreacted or made a fuss. Compassion doesn’t require a hierarchy—it just requires presence.
3. “You don’t look like someone who’s struggling.”
It might sound like a compliment, but it puts pressure on people to look the part of what you think mental illness should be. If they don’t, it creates this strange gap where they feel like they have to prove they’re not okay.
People are good at masking. High-functioning anxiety and depression are real, and a polished surface doesn’t mean someone’s not falling apart inside. Instead of commenting on how they appear, try asking how they’re actually doing underneath it.
4. “Everyone feels like that sometimes.”
This one usually comes from a good place—a way to connect. Sadly, it can backfire fast. Saying “everyone feels that way” suggests the problem is common, manageable, and maybe even exaggerated. It tells the other person their pain is just regular stress when it might be much deeper. People don’t need to be told their experience is universal. They need someone to acknowledge that their version of it might feel heavier, harder, or more complex than it looks on the surface.
5. “You’re just being dramatic.”
This one cuts deep. Even if you’re joking, it tells the person they’re overreacting and their emotions aren’t valid. It can make someone instantly shut down and regret opening up in the first place. People with mental health challenges already question whether they’re “too much.” Comments like this reinforce that insecurity and makes them far less likely to talk to anyone again about what they’re feeling.
6. “Have you tried yoga or drinking more water?”
It’s great that people are talking more about self-care, but when someone’s really struggling, reducing their pain to hydration or stretching can feel like a slap in the face. It’s not that those things don’t help—it’s that they’re not the whole picture. If someone’s drowning, they need a lifeline, not a list of wellness hacks. Mentioning these things might seem helpful, but only after you’ve shown that you get how serious it feels for them right now.
7. “Stop overthinking it.”
If overthinking was something people could turn off, trust me—they would. When you say this, it makes it sound like their anxiety or obsessive thoughts are a choice, rather than something hardwired into how they process the world. Instead of telling them to stop, ask what’s looping in their mind. Opening the door for a conversation can actually help quiet the noise, whereas telling them to shut it down usually just makes them feel worse.
8. “Don’t let it control you.”
This one sounds motivational on the surface, but it’s often laced with judgement. It implies that someone’s giving in, as if they’re choosing to let their mental health “win.” That kind of framing adds shame, not empowerment.
Struggles don’t get smaller by being told to fight harder. Sometimes, it’s not about fighting; it’s about support, treatment, and time. Telling someone they’re being controlled by their illness rarely gives them back power. It just makes them feel like they’ve lost it.
9. “Other people have it harder.”
Yes, hardship exists everywhere. But that doesn’t make this person’s pain any less valid. Struggles aren’t measured by how bad they are in comparison. They’re measured by how they affect you. This one encourages people to suppress their feelings because someone else might “deserve” compassion more. The thing is, empathy isn’t a limited resource. There’s room to care about all of it without dismissing anyone’s experience.
10. “You’re just too sensitive.”
Sensitivity isn’t a flaw—it’s often a survival skill. But calling someone “too sensitive” frames it as a weakness, like they should toughen up instead of feel deeply. That only teaches people to bury things further. Instead of labelling someone’s reactions, try understanding where they come from. Sensitivity often comes with insight, awareness, and care—qualities that should be respected, not mocked.
11. “Just snap out of it.”
If someone could snap out of a mental health struggle, they wouldn’t be struggling. This implies that they’re choosing to stay stuck, and that’s not how it works. It’s dismissive, unrealistic, and incredibly isolating. People need time, support, and often professional help—not pressure to flip an invisible switch. Healing isn’t instant, and acting like it should be only makes people feel more broken when they’re not “snapping out of it” fast enough.
12. “You’re stronger than this.”
It’s meant to be empowering, but it can feel like pressure. When someone’s barely hanging on, being told they should be stronger just adds to the weight. It suggests they’re failing at something they’re already struggling to survive. Real strength isn’t about always being okay. It’s about keeping going, even when things feel impossible. Remind them of their resilience, sure, but also let them be messy and vulnerable. That’s part of strength, too.
13. “You’re just in a rut.”
This one tries to downplay what might actually be a deep, ongoing battle. A “rut” sounds temporary and fixable—something a weekend getaway or new routine could solve. However, for someone facing real mental health challenges, it’s not that simple. By calling it a rut, you risk trivialising something serious. Instead, ask what it’s really been feeling like lately. That simple change makes space for honesty instead of surface-level conversation.
14. “You always seem so happy.”
It’s hard to know how this will land. For some, it’s a compliment; for others, it feels like a quiet accusation, like they’ve been hiding too well. Mental health struggles don’t always look obvious, and saying this can make someone feel misunderstood.
If you’re surprised to learn someone’s been struggling, lean into that surprise with compassion. Say something like, “I had no idea. I’m here if you want to talk.” That helps way more than pointing out how well they’ve been masking it.
15. “Don’t be so negative.”
This usually gets said when someone shares something heavy and the room suddenly feels uncomfortable. However, telling someone not to be negative teaches them that their feelings are a problem to fix instead of something to be supported through.
Being honest about what’s hard isn’t negativity, it’s vulnerability—and vulnerability deserves care, not correction. If someone trusts you with their mess, don’t hand it back and ask them to repackage it in cheerfulness.
16. “You’ve got nothing to be upset about.”
This one stings because it makes it sound like their emotions are unjustified. People don’t always cry over things that are logical, and mental health rarely sticks to rational patterns. They might not even know why they feel so bad. But telling them they have no reason just adds shame. A better move is to validate what they’re feeling, even if you can’t fully understand it.
17. “You just need to get out more.”
Sure, fresh air and movement can help, but this often lands like, “You’re just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.” It makes depression sound like laziness, which couldn’t be further from the truth. If someone’s struggling to even get dressed, going outside feels massive. Rather than suggesting it like a fix, offer to go with them. Make it about connection, not correction.
18. “You’re being selfish.”
This one shows up when someone sets boundaries, cancels plans, or needs time alone. Of course, what they’re really doing is protecting their energy so they don’t spiral further. Calling that selfish teaches them that their needs don’t matter. Most people with mental health issues already feel guilty for needing space. Adding shame to it only makes things worse. What helps is respecting those boundaries, not making them feel like they’re letting everyone down.
19. “Stop being so negative around other people.”
This tells someone they’re responsible for the emotional tone of everyone around them. It implies their pain is contagious and needs to be hidden. That’s not support—that’s shame in a softer wrapper. People deserve to show up in whatever state they’re in, without being told to mask it for other people’s comfort. You don’t need to fix the mood, though. You just need to make space for the truth of what they’re carrying.
20. “You were fine yesterday.”
Struggles with mental health are rarely consistent. Someone can seem okay one day and feel completely undone the next. Saying this implies that their current state isn’t real because it doesn’t line up with your timeline. What helps more is recognising that healing isn’t linear. Instead of pointing out the inconsistency, just ask how today feels—and offer support for that version of them. That’s how you show up without judgement.
