When someone has ADHD, it’s not always obvious to the people around them when they’re having a tough time.
Instead of saying, “I’m overwhelmed” or “My brain won’t slow down,” they often drop little comments that sound offhand, but are actually signs they’re not in a good place. These phrases might come up in everyday conversation and get brushed off, but they can point to deeper frustrations, shame, or burnout. If you’ve got ADHD, or care about someone who does, these are red flags that someone with this condition is struggling more than they’re letting on.
1. “I swear I was just about to do it.”
This isn’t an excuse—it’s often completely true. People with ADHD regularly get stuck in the gap between intention and action. They meant to send the email, take the bin out, or call you back, but their brain short-circuited somewhere between the thought and the follow-through. It’s frustrating for them, too. They’re not lazy—they’re battling an invisible barrier that keeps making simple tasks feel impossible to start.
2. “I just can’t make myself do it.”
This is one of the most common and misunderstood struggles of ADHD. It’s not about willpower—it’s about the brain’s ability to activate. Even things they want to do or care about can feel like a mental brick wall. When someone says this, they’re likely carrying a lot of shame. They know the task is waiting. They know it matters. They just can’t flip the switch.
3. “Sorry I’m late—again.”
Time blindness is a real thing with ADHD. It’s not that they don’t care about your time—they just completely misjudge how long things take, lose track of the clock, or underestimate the prep needed to get out the door. They often beat themselves up about it too because they know how it looks. However, under the apology is usually a lot of self-criticism and stress.
4. “Wait… what were we talking about?”
Conversations can get overwhelming fast, especially in a noisy or distracting environment. Someone with ADHD might start a thought, lose their place, jump to another idea, and loop back—if they can remember where they started. This isn’t flakiness—it’s the brain working in fast, nonlinear ways. And it’s often happening while they’re still trying to focus on what you’re saying, too.
5. “I can’t tell if this is important or not.”
ADHD brains often struggle with prioritising. Everything feels urgent—or nothing does. When executive function is low, even simple choices can feel confusing and stressful. They may feel paralysed by too many tabs open in their brain and no clear filter for what actually needs to happen first.
6. “I forgot—again.”
People with ADHD often feel like they’re letting everyone down, even when they’re trying their best. Forgetfulness isn’t carelessness. It’s part of the executive function puzzle that ADHD makes harder. They may have set a reminder, written it down, and still spaced out. It’s not that it wasn’t important. Their brain just didn’t cooperate.
7. “I didn’t mean to interrupt—I just didn’t want to forget.”
Impulse control with ADHD can lead to jumping in during conversations. It’s not rudeness. It’s a fear that if they don’t say it right now, it’ll vanish forever. Many are painfully aware that they do this and feel awkward about it afterward. They’re not trying to dominate the moment—they’re trying to keep track of their own mind.
8. “I work better under pressure.”
This is often a coping strategy more than a preference. The adrenaline of a looming deadline can temporarily override the brain’s usual sluggishness around starting tasks. However, it comes with a cost: burnout, stress, and inconsistent results. They don’t actually want to be last-minute. It’s just when their brain finally kicks into gear.
9. “My brain is so loud right now.”
This might not be said out loud often, but it’s definitely felt. When things are noisy inside—racing thoughts, to-do lists, emotional static—it’s hard to focus on anything else. For someone with ADHD, internal chaos can be just as distracting as anything external. Quiet moments don’t always feel peaceful. They can be mentally overwhelming, too.
10. “I’m either all in or totally checked out.”
ADHD isn’t just about distraction—it’s also about hyperfocus. Sometimes they can’t engage at all, and other times they dive in so deep they forget to eat, sleep, or notice the world around them. This all-or-nothing style isn’t always a choice. It’s how their attention regulation works, and it can be exhausting when they swing between both extremes.
11. “Why do I always do this to myself?”
This question usually comes from a place of self-blame. After missing a deadline, forgetting something important, or overcommitting again, the guilt hits hard. What sounds like a throwaway comment is often masking deep frustration. They want to do better. They’re just stuck in a loop that’s hard to break without support.
12. “I know I said yes, but I don’t think I can do it.”
ADHD brains can struggle to predict how future energy levels or responsibilities will feel. They might genuinely want to help, but later realise they’re mentally or emotionally maxed out. Backing out doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means they hit a wall they didn’t see coming, and now they’re worried about letting you down.
13. “I feel like I’m constantly failing at the easy stuff.”
For someone with ADHD, daily life can feel like a never-ending list of things they “should” be able to do—like paying bills on time, keeping things tidy, or answering messages. When those things slip, it can lead to a deep sense of shame. They don’t want sympathy—they just want people to understand it’s not about laziness or lack of care.
14. “I’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but I still haven’t done it.”
This is a painful part of ADHD most people don’t see. Something stays on their mind constantly—but doesn’t translate into action. The longer it lingers, the more it feels like a failure. They might beat themselves up for procrastinating, when in reality they’re overwhelmed and stuck, not ignoring the task.
15. “Everything feels urgent right now.”
In ADHD brains, urgency can be emotional rather than logical. Even small tasks can feel like a crisis when stress kicks in. The result? Panic, shutdown, or chaotic multitasking. They’re not overreacting for attention—they’re dealing with a nervous system that struggles to filter what’s urgent and what’s not.
16. “I wish people could see how hard I’m trying.”
This quiet sentence carries a lot. They’re not looking for pity with this one, but it’s clear that they feel invisible. ADHD often means putting in way more effort than anyone realises just to stay on top of things. They may look flaky on the outside but feel like they’re constantly running uphill. More than anything, they want to be understood, and supported without judgement.
If someone in your life says things like this often, it’s worth listening more closely. These aren’t excuses. They’re subtle signs that they’re overwhelmed, overstimulated, or just trying to get through the day in a brain that works differently. A little patience and a lot of understanding can make all the difference.
