Not everyone grows up learning how to name their feelings, let alone express them out loud.
For some, emotions were brushed aside, met with silence, or even punished—so it makes sense that, as adults, honesty about how they feel doesn’t always come easy. Instead, people reach for safe, familiar phrases that help them keep things together on the outside while avoiding what’s really going on inside. These aren’t always said with bad intent. Sometimes, they’re just habits—ones built over years of not being taught how to say, “I’m hurting” or “I need something.” Here are some of the common phrases you’ll hear from people like this.
1. “I’m fine.”
This is the classic default. It usually rolls out automatically, whether the person is slightly stressed or on the verge of falling apart. “I’m fine” gives them control—it keeps other people from asking too many questions. However, under the surface, there’s often discomfort, sadness, or overwhelm. Saying “I’m fine” helps them avoid vulnerability, especially if they’re not used to anyone holding space for the full truth.
2. “It’s whatever.”
This one points to emotional shutdown. It might sound like indifference, but more often it’s a way to protect themselves from disappointment or conflict. They might care deeply, but expressing that feels risky. This one gets said a lot when someone has tried to speak up in the past and felt ignored or dismissed. Apathy becomes a safer mask than honesty, which is a real shame.
3. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
This can be a boundary, or a fear in disguise. Sometimes, it’s not that they don’t want to talk about it, it’s that they don’t know how to. The words aren’t there, or the fear of getting emotional is too strong. What they often need is patience and space, not pressure. For someone who struggles with emotional expression, talking can feel like standing on a trapdoor, so they stay silent just to feel steady.
4. “I’m just tired.”
Sure, they might be physically exhausted, but a lot of the time, “I’m just tired” is code for emotionally worn out. It’s easier to point to something socially acceptable than to admit they’re mentally struggling. This gives them an out. It doesn’t require further explanation, and it lets them bow out of conversations, plans, or emotional labour without having to explain what’s actually going on.
5. “It’s no big deal.”
They might say this after being let down, hurt, or frustrated. Shrinking the experience helps them avoid conflict, and keeps the attention off their emotional response. However, often, it was a big deal to them. They just haven’t learned that their feelings are allowed to take up space. So, instead of expressing that they’re upset, they minimise it until it builds quietly over time.
6. “I guess I’m just being dramatic.”
This is a deflection, often used when someone worries they’re being judged for feeling too much. It can be a pre-emptive strike—an attempt to dismiss their own emotions before someone else does. They may have been called dramatic or over-sensitive in the past, so now they get ahead of it by discrediting themselves. Sadly, underneath the joke is usually real pain or frustration that hasn’t been given proper air.
7. “Forget it.”
Usually said mid-conversation, this phrase is a sign of emotional withdrawal. Maybe they tried to express something and didn’t feel heard, or maybe they lost confidence halfway through saying it. “Forget it” is easier than repeating themselves or risking further vulnerability. It’s a door quietly closing before the conversation can go any deeper.
8. “It’s not worth it.”
This tends to show up when someone is upset but feels like expressing it won’t change anything. They might feel hopeless about being understood, or afraid the conflict will grow if they speak honestly. By saying it’s not worth it, they avoid the emotional risk. However, often, they’re walking away not because they don’t care, but because caring feels too heavy to carry out loud.
9. “I just want everyone to be happy.”
This sounds generous, and sometimes it is. That being said, it’s often hiding a deep discomfort with tension or emotional messiness. Keeping the peace becomes more important than being honest about their own feelings. It’s a common pattern for people who grew up playing the fixer. Their needs were set aside so often that they don’t know how to voice them without guilt. So they turn to harmony, even if it costs them their truth.
10. “I don’t really care.”
On the surface, it sounds like apathy. But dig a little deeper, and it’s often a shield against vulnerability. Saying they don’t care is easier than admitting they do, and risking disappointment or rejection. This phrase creates distance. It allows them to disengage before anyone gets too close to the part of them that does care deeply, but doesn’t know how to show it safely.
11. “I’m used to it.”
This one holds a quiet kind of sadness. It often comes from someone who’s experienced repeated letdowns and learned not to expect much from other people. Instead of asking for better, they resign themselves to it. It’s not a sign of strength. It’s a sign that their emotional needs have gone unmet for so long that they’ve adapted to low expectations. What they often need isn’t pity—it’s consistency and care that doesn’t fade when things get uncomfortable.
12. “That’s just how life is.”
This can sound pragmatic, but sometimes it’s a sign of emotional detachment. When people don’t know how to process disappointment or loss, they distance themselves from the feeling by turning it into a general truth. It’s a coping mechanism. If they can explain it away as universal, they don’t have to sit with the part of them that feels hurt, sad, or unsure. It’s safer to generalise than to feel.
13. “I’m over it.”
This might be said with confidence, but more often it’s a mask. Saying “I’m over it” is a way of shutting down conversation or pain that hasn’t really been resolved. It’s the emotional equivalent of slamming a door and hoping no one hears the sound. It’s possible they want to be over it, but a lot of times, they’re still carrying something they haven’t been able to unpack yet—and saying otherwise feels easier than admitting that healing is still in progress.
14. “I don’t want to bother anyone.”
This one comes from a fear of being too much. It’s usually said by someone who’s been made to feel like a burden when they’ve expressed emotions in the past. Now, they play it safe by keeping everything in. Their silence isn’t apathy—it’s self-protection. What they often need is reassurance that their presence, their feelings, and their voice are welcome, even when they’re messy or unsure.
15. “It doesn’t matter.”
This is usually a sign of someone dismissing their own needs. Whether it’s in relationships, decisions, or arguments, saying “it doesn’t matter” lets them disappear a little when speaking up feels too risky. The thing is, it does matter—because behind that phrase is usually a person who wants to be considered, understood, or valued. They just haven’t felt safe enough to say it out loud.
16. “I’ll figure it out on my own.”
This phrase sounds independent, and sometimes it is. But for many, it’s also rooted in the belief that no one will really be there if they reach out. So they don’t. They go quiet, pull away, and carry more than they should. It’s not always pride—it’s protection. People who say this often crave support but don’t want to risk rejection or judgement. So they pretend they don’t need anyone, even when the weight is heavy.
