Letting go isn’t easy, even when it’s necessary. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, a version of yourself, or a life chapter that’s run its course, moving on often comes with fear. So instead, we tell ourselves small lies that make staying put feel safer — lies that sound logical, even comforting, but usually just keep us stuck. They aren’t always dramatic or obvious. Sometimes they’re quiet and believable, which is exactly why they’re so effective. Here are some of the most common ones, and what might actually be going on underneath them.
1. “It’s not that bad.”
This one’s a classic. You downplay the pain, convince yourself that other people have it worse, and cling to the idea that discomfort is normal. It’s easier to tolerate something when you label it as bearable instead of honestly admitting that it’s draining you. Of course, “not that bad” doesn’t mean good. It doesn’t mean right. And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to keep enduring it. Minimising your unhappiness doesn’t make it go away — it just delays change.
2. “Maybe I’m just being dramatic.”
When you’re scared to walk away, it’s easy to second-guess your feelings. You might tell yourself you’re overreacting, sensitive, or imagining things, especially if the people around you aren’t validating your experience. This lie is often a coping mechanism. It’s safer to believe you’re the problem than to admit something or someone else isn’t right for you anymore. But questioning your reality just keeps you locked in limbo.
3. “They didn’t mean it like that.”
In relationships, especially ones with complicated dynamics, it’s tempting to constantly reinterpret someone’s behaviour to make it more palatable. You rewrite stories in your head so they hurt less. However, over-explaining someone else’s actions won’t protect you from them. If you keep needing to justify how someone treats you, that’s usually a sign that deep down, you already know it’s not okay.
4. “I’ll leave once things settle down.”
This gives the illusion of action without actually taking any. You push the timeline forward — after the holidays, after the next project, after your birthday. Somehow, though, it never quite feels like the right time. Waiting for a “perfect” moment often means you’re avoiding the discomfort of decision-making. Life rarely hands you a clean break. At some point, you have to choose change over convenience.
5. “It’s my fault things feel like this.”
Blaming yourself is a way to stay in control. If you’re the problem, then you don’t have to leave — you just have to fix yourself. And that feels less terrifying than walking away from something you once hoped would work. However, not everything that feels heavy is your burden to carry. Sometimes things are wrong because they’re wrong, not because you’re doing life incorrectly.
6. “If I just try a bit harder…”
This one keeps people stuck in overfunctioning mode. You think the solution is to give more, bend more, or shrink yourself further to make something fit. And maybe you get brief moments of relief, but they don’t last. Trying harder doesn’t fix a mismatch. It just prolongs the time you spend convincing yourself that pain means progress, when in reality it might just mean resistance to letting go.
7. “This is just what adulthood looks like.”
It’s common to chalk up your dissatisfaction to the idea that life is just hard, relationships are just work, and joy is optional once you reach a certain age. It’s a lie disguised as realism. Of course, there’s a difference between effort and misery. Accepting constant unhappiness as “normal” isn’t maturity, it’s resignation. And it keeps you in places you’ve outgrown.
8. “Maybe I’m expecting too much.”
This usually comes from a fear of being “unreasonable.” You tell yourself your standards are too high, that you should be grateful, that wanting more is selfish or unrealistic. However, wanting peace, connection, or purpose isn’t asking too much. It’s often just asking the wrong situation to meet needs it was never built to handle.
9. “I’m just being loyal.”
Loyalty can be beautiful, but not when it becomes a trap. Staying in something that hurts because of shared history, guilt, or obligation is one of the most subtle ways people avoid growth. You can honour the past without letting it dictate your future. Loyalty shouldn’t come at the expense of your wellbeing or your potential.
10. “I don’t want to start over again.”
Starting over is scary. It’s vulnerable and unpredictable, and there are no guarantees. So you stay, even when it’s clear you’re stuck, because the fear of the unknown outweighs the discomfort of the familiar. However, staying in a place that’s slowly draining you isn’t the safe choice. It just feels familiar — and moving on, while messy, is often the very thing that leads to actual peace.
11. “What if nothing better comes along?”
This lie is rooted in scarcity. It whispers that this might be as good as it gets — that you should hold onto what you have, even if it hurts, because at least it’s something. However, “at least it’s something” isn’t the same as “it’s right for me.” If something leaves you anxious, disconnected, or diminished, then it isn’t the best you can hope for. Not even close.
12. “I just need more time.”
Sometimes you do need time — to process, to prepare, to feel ready. Of course, there’s a difference between giving yourself space and using time as a way to delay what you already know deep down. If weeks or months are going by and nothing’s really changed, it might not be about needing more time. It might be about needing more honesty with yourself.
