Gratitude is often sold to us as the solution to everything. Just be thankful, and everything will get better, right? Well, not really. The thing is, being grateful doesn’t require you to ignore your problems or pretending everything is perfect. In fact, sometimes, the push to be constantly thankful can actually invalidate our real, tough emotions.
If you’re going through a tough time, being told to just focus on the positives can feel dismissive. It’s a bit like telling someone to stop crying because someone else has it worse. It might be true that other people have it harder, but that doesn’t invalidate your own struggles. You can be thankful for what you have while still acknowledging the challenges in front of you. Gratitude should never be a tool to suppress your emotions or avoid dealing with what’s hard. Being overly focused on being thankful can, at times, make you feel like you’re not allowed to express frustration or sadness.
The pressure to be grateful can make you feel guilty.
The idea of being thankful every single day is everywhere, and it’s easy to start feeling like you’re not measuring up if you’re not constantly thankful. This pressure to feel this way 24/7 can quickly morph into guilt, especially on days when you don’t feel particularly thankful. You might feel like you’re failing at being a positive, mentally strong person just because you’re feeling down, which can add another layer of stress.
Appreciating all the good in your life is important, but it’s not meant to be a constant state of mind. It’s okay to have moments where you feel frustrated or tired. Feeling fortunate doesn’t need to be a requirement to feel worthy or mentally healthy. The idea of gratitude as a daily, rigid practice can, ironically, create more pressure and anxiety for those who feel like they’re “doing it wrong.”
Too much gratitude can lead to unnecessary sacrifice.
In some situations, it can be taken to an extreme, where it leads to self-sacrifice or putting other people’s needs above your own to a point of harm. Imagine feeling so thankful for a job that you push yourself past your limits, constantly saying “yes” to more work, even when it’s affecting your health. This is where it can cross the line into self-neglect.
Gratitude shouldn’t force you into accepting poor conditions or letting people take advantage of you. You can appreciate what you have and still set boundaries to protect your well-being. Being overly thankful to the point where you compromise your own needs is unhealthy. Appreciation should enhance your life, not become a tool for overexertion or burnout.
Toxic positivity is a trap.
We’ve all been around people who are too positive. They’re the ones who, no matter the situation, always seem to have a “glass half full” perspective, sometimes to the point of it feeling a little fake. This is where the danger of having too much of a good thing shows up. It can morph into something called toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is when people insist on staying upbeat and thankful all the time, even when it’s not appropriate. While the intention is to be supportive, it can actually lead to the suppression of important, intense emotions. For example, if someone is grieving a loss and people keep telling them to appreciate the good things or focus on the positives, it can feel dismissive and hurtful. Emotions like sadness, anger, and frustration are just as valid, and trying to force gratitude in every moment can prevent us from fully processing what we’re going through.
Being grateful doesn’t mean avoiding change.
Gratitude is great for encouraging contentment, but it’s important not to confuse it with complacency. Just because you’re thankful for what you have doesn’t mean you should stop striving for improvement or growth. Being over the top with it can sometimes make you feel like you shouldn’t ask for more or reach for something better, especially when you feel like you “should” be content with what you’ve got.
There’s a balance between appreciating what you have and striving for something more. You can be thankful for your current situation and still desire growth, whether that’s in your career, your relationships, or your personal development. Thankfulness should be a motivator for joy, not a barrier to improvement. Just because you’re thankful doesn’t mean you should stop evolving.
Is there a “right” way to be grateful?
So, what does healthy gratitude look like? It’s about finding balance. It definitely isn’t about ignoring the tough times or forcing a positive mindset when it feels impossible. It’s about acknowledging the good in your life while recognising and dealing with the hard stuff. It’s about being thankful for the things that are working, but still giving yourself permission to feel upset, frustrated, or sad when necessary.
It’s also important to practise gratitude in a way that feels natural. This might look different for everyone, whether it’s through journaling, expressing thanks to people, or simply taking a moment to reflect on the good things in your life. Keep it real, and don’t let it turn into a forced habit that feels like another thing you have to do.
Gratitude is great—but with boundaries.
Being thankful and recognising the good things in your life can be instrumental toward improving mental health, but it’s also something that needs to be practised with awareness and balance. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we always need to be thankful for everything, all the time. But when gratitude starts to feel like a chore, or when it prevents us from fully experiencing or addressing our emotions, that’s when it becomes problematic.
The key is finding a balance between being appreciative for what you have and giving yourself permission to feel the full spectrum of your emotions. It should never be about denying your struggles or pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. It’s about embracing what’s good in your life while being real about the challenges you face. So, yes, be grateful, but don’t let it be a lie.
