According to Mind UK, one in four people in the UK will experience mental health issues each year—that’s no small number. However, despite how common these struggles are, talking about mental health can be tough, especially with people who don’t fully understand what it’s like to deal with them. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, it’s not always easy to open up to someone about something so personal, especially if you feel they won’t understand, or they might brush it off. But the truth is, talking about mental health is so important, both for your overall wellness, and for raising awareness about the importance of mental health in general.
If you find yourself in a situation where you need to talk about issues like depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles with someone who doesn’t quite “get it,” don’t worry. There are ways to have those conversations in a way that’s honest, helpful, and respectful, even when you feel like you’re speaking to a brick wall.
Start with your feelings, not labels.
When talking about mental health, it’s tempting to jump straight into labels—”I’m depressed,” “I have anxiety,” “I’m struggling with my mental health.” While these labels can be useful, they can also feel distant or abstract to someone who hasn’t experienced them firsthand. Instead, try starting the conversation by sharing how you’re feeling.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m depressed,” you might say, “Lately, I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and drained, and it’s hard to find joy in the things I used to enjoy.” Focusing on your emotions can make the conversation feel more accessible and human, rather than clinical or abstract.
Be honest about what you need from them.
Before diving into the conversation, take a moment to think about what you need from the person you’re speaking to. Are you looking for support? Do you just need someone to listen? Or are you hoping for advice or understanding? Being clear about what you need can help guide the conversation and prevent misunderstandings. If you need someone to just listen, say so. If you need advice, ask for it. This helps the other person feel more comfortable and confident in how they can best respond.
Point out that mental health is just like physical health.
One reason people don’t “get it” is that mental health issues are often invisible. Unlike a broken arm or a fever, you can’t always see someone’s mental health struggles on the outside, and that can lead people to downplay or misunderstand what’s going on. To help them understand, try explaining that mental health is just as important as physical health.
You could say something like, “If I had a physical illness, you’d want me to rest and take care of myself. Mental health is the same thing. It affects my body and my ability to function, and I need to take care of it in the same way.” This comparison can help bridge the gap and make the situation feel more relatable.
Be patient with their responses.
Unfortunately, not everyone will “get it” right away. People have their own experiences, beliefs, and levels of understanding when it comes to mental health, and they may not always respond in the way you hope. It’s important to be patient with them, even if their response isn’t perfect. They may need time to process what you’re saying or to reframe their own thinking about mental health.
If their response feels dismissive or unhelpful, try to gently guide the conversation back to your own needs and feelings, without getting frustrated. Sometimes, people just need a little more time to understand the gravity of what you’re sharing.
Avoid being defensive, as hard as that might be.
When talking about something as personal as mental health, it’s easy to become defensive if someone doesn’t understand or responds in a way that feels invalidating. But try to avoid letting your emotions take over during the conversation. Instead of saying something like, “You just don’t get it,” try to express how their response made you feel.
For example, you might say, “When you say that, it makes me feel like my experience isn’t being taken seriously.” This opens up a dialogue without immediately shutting the other person down, and it allows them the opportunity to understand your perspective more clearly.
Give resources or examples for context.
If the person you’re speaking to still seems a bit lost or confused, offering resources can be a helpful way to bridge the gap. You might suggest reading an article, listening to a podcast, or even watching a video on mental health. You could say something like, “If you’re interested, I can share a few resources that explain it better.” This gives them the tools to better understand what you’re going through.
You could also share your own experiences, which might help paint a clearer picture. “When I feel anxious, it’s not just about being nervous. My heart races, my thoughts spiral, and I struggle to focus on anything else. It feels like I’m trapped in my own mind.”
Encourage empathy, not sympathy.
It’s important to distinguish between empathy and sympathy when discussing mental health. You don’t need to be pitied, and you don’t want to make the conversation feel like a “charity case.” What you need is empathy—someone who listens, tries to understand, and validates your feelings.
Encourage empathy by saying things like, “I don’t need you to fix anything. I just need you to listen and understand.” This sets the tone for a supportive conversation that values connection over solutions.
Give them space to ask questions.
If the person you’re talking to is genuinely interested in understanding, they might have questions. Encourage this by being open to their curiosity. “I’m happy to answer any questions you might have. I know this can be confusing if you’ve never experienced it yourself.”
Be patient with their questions and try to answer as honestly and clearly as possible. The more you share, the more they can understand—and the more likely they’ll be to offer meaningful support in the future.
Explain that recovery takes time.
Some people might expect immediate change or think that mental health challenges should be easily “fixed.” It’s important to explain that recovery and management take time. “It’s not something that will just go away overnight, but I’m learning to cope with it and manage it better every day.”
This helps set realistic expectations and makes it clear that mental health is a long-term journey, not a quick fix.
Be honest about the impact of poor mental health.
Sometimes, people don’t fully understand the weight of these struggles because they don’t see the full impact. Be open about how it affects your daily life. “When I’m struggling with anxiety, it’s not just a mental issue. It affects my energy levels, my ability to focus, and sometimes even my physical health.”
It makes the struggle more tangible and can help others appreciate just how much mental health affects you on a day-to-day basis.
Make it about your needs, not their reactions.
It’s important to focus the conversation on your own needs and feelings rather than their reactions. “I’m not sharing this to make you uncomfortable. I’m sharing it because I need support, and it helps me feel heard and understood.”
This reminds them that the conversation isn’t about them, it’s about you and your mental well-being.
Know when to walk away from the conversation.
Not everyone will get it, no matter how hard you try. If someone is dismissive, invalidating, or unwilling to listen, it’s okay to walk away from the conversation. You deserve respect and understanding, and if someone isn’t willing to offer that, it’s okay to set that boundary and protect your mental health.
Come back to the conversation if you think it might help.
Mental health isn’t a one-time topic. If you feel that someone didn’t fully understand, or you want to revisit the conversation later, it’s okay to bring it up again. “I know we talked about this before, but I wanted to clarify some things,” is a good way to reopen the discussion.
This lets them know that it’s an ongoing conversation and something you’re serious about.
Remember that you’re not alone.
It’s easy to feel isolated when talking about mental health with people who don’t get it. But remember, you’re not alone. There are many people who understand what you’re going through, and there are support systems available to help. Whether it’s therapy, online communities, or support groups, there are resources out there that can make you feel less alone.
Keep the conversation going.
Talking about mental health is never easy, especially with people who don’t fully understand. But every conversation is a step toward reducing stigma and fostering empathy. By being patient, setting clear boundaries, and sharing your feelings openly, you can help others understand the importance of mental health—and hopefully build the support system you need to thrive.
