When you’re stuck chasing validation, life starts to feel like a never-ending performance.
You dress, speak, succeed, and shrink based on how you think other people will react. Sure, it might get you approval, but it also leaves you drained, disconnected, and weirdly hollow because none of it feels real. Self-acceptance, on the other hand, isn’t about perfect confidence or glowing self-love. It’s about learning to be on your own side, even when the outside world is quiet. It’s choosing to back yourself instead of constantly waiting for someone else to tell you you’re doing okay. Here’s how to start turning that focus inward.
1. Notice when you’re waiting for a reaction.
Sometimes we don’t even realise how much we’re craving approval. You post something and refresh to check who liked it. You say something clever and wait for the laugh. You look great and scan the room for someone to notice. These moments aren’t bad—but they can quietly become the main reason you’re doing anything at all.
Start paying attention to when you’re performing versus when you’re expressing yourself naturally. That pause is important. You can still want to be seen, but when your whole mood depends on someone else’s response, it’s time to check in with your own why.
2. Let yourself do things that won’t impress anyone.
Not everything you enjoy has to look good from the outside. Maybe you like cheesy music, writing bad poetry, rearranging your furniture at 2am. If it brings you peace or joy, that’s reason enough. Doing things just for you is a quiet way to prove you don’t need applause to feel valid.
At first, it might feel a little empty without that external reaction. However, eventually, you start to realise how calming it is when you’re not always performing. You’re just existing, and that’s more freeing than being praised will ever be.
3. Question whose standards you’re trying to meet.
When you feel like you’re not good enough, ask yourself: by whose definition? A lot of the pressure we put on ourselves comes from standards we didn’t create—what family wanted, what school rewarded, what society idolises. Start rewriting that script. What matters to you? What feels meaningful, even if no one else gets it? The more your values start coming from within, the less you’ll feel like you’re chasing approval that never fully lands anyway.
4. Accept that not everyone’s going to like you.
This one stings a bit, but it’s a huge relief once it settles in. You could be kind, generous, thoughtful, and someone still won’t vibe with you. Not because you’re lacking, but because they’re not your people. And that’s okay. Trying to win over everyone waters you down. It turns you into a filtered version of yourself. The more you let go of that pressure, the more you show up fully, and the right people will connect with the real you, not the polished one.
5. Learn the difference between connection and approval.
It’s easy to mix up being liked with feeling close to someone. The thing is, approval often stays on the surface—it’s about being palatable, pleasing, agreeable. Connection goes deeper. It’s built on honesty, not perfection. When you stop bending over backwards for approval, you make space for real connection to happen, and that kind of closeness feels far better than being admired from a distance for something that isn’t even truly you.
6. Don’t wait to feel worthy before making decisions.
It’s easy to think, “Once I feel more confident, then I’ll speak up,” or “Once I believe in myself, then I’ll go for it.” However, self-acceptance often comes after the decision, not before. Action builds belief. Start doing the thing, even if your voice shakes or you doubt yourself halfway through. You don’t need to feel 100% ready or qualified to take up space. The more you practise showing up as you are, the more natural it starts to feel.
7. Notice how often you adjust yourself to fit in.
You might catch yourself laughing at something you don’t find funny, pretending to care about something you don’t, or holding back opinions to keep the peace. These small adjustments seem harmless, but over time, they pile up and disconnect you from who you really are.
It’s not about being difficult—it’s about being real. Let yourself speak honestly, even if it’s a little awkward. You’ll find that you don’t need to shape-shift to be liked. The right spaces will welcome the unfiltered version of you.
8. Be honest about what makes you feel proud.
Forget what looks impressive to everyone else. What makes you proud? It could be setting a boundary, getting out of bed when it’s hard, showing up when you didn’t want to. These little wins matter, even if they’re invisible to the outside world. Start tracking the moments that feel meaningful to you, not the ones you think you should be celebrating. That’s where real self-worth lives. Not in claps or praise, but in private moments of quiet self-trust.
9. Let your hobbies be messy and unproductive.
If you’re always trying to be good at everything, even your downtime turns into another performance. You don’t need to be brilliant at painting, running, baking, or writing. You’re allowed to enjoy things without monetising them, improving at them, or proving anything to anyone.
Letting something be just for fun reconnects you with yourself in a way that chasing validation never will. You’re doing it because it feels good, not because it makes you look impressive. That’s a quiet act of rebellion—and self-acceptance.
10. Understand that validation isn’t wrong—it’s just not everything.
It’s totally okay to want to be seen and appreciated. That’s a basic human need. The problem is when your entire sense of worth starts depending on it. Validation feels good, but it’s not a substitute for self-acceptance. One is external, the other has to come from within.
When you treat validation like a bonus instead of a necessity, things change. You stop chasing it like a fix and start recognising it as something nice, but not essential, to your value. That’s where real freedom begins.
11. Give yourself permission to take up space without explaining.
You don’t need a detailed reason to rest, to say no, to have an opinion, to want something. You don’t need to earn your spot in a room or prove you belong. Taking up space quietly, without explanation, is a big step toward real self-acceptance.
Try doing it in small ways first—say what you want without adding “if that’s okay.” Express your preference without cushioning it. The more you do it, the more you realise that your presence doesn’t need to be justified to be valid.
12. Stop treating your worth like a project.
You are not something to be constantly improved, fixed, or edited. You’re not a work-in-progress version of someone better you haven’t become yet. That mindset keeps you stuck in waiting mode, always hustling for some future version of enough.
Self-acceptance means choosing to be on your own side now. Not once you’ve healed everything, not once you’ve hit your goals. Just now. As you are. That doesn’t mean you stop growing—it just means you stop tying your value to whether you’ve reached some ideal version yet.
13. Check in with yourself before looking outward.
Before asking someone else if your idea is good, if your outfit looks okay, if your reaction is reasonable—pause and check what you think. What feels true to you? What feels comfortable? What feels right? This habit takes time to build, but it’s one of the most powerful ones. It slowly changes your compass inward. And the more you do it, the less you need constant reassurance to feel grounded. You start realising you’ve had the answers more often than you thought.
