We’ve all had moments when we find ourselves beating ourselves up over a mistake, feeling like we’re not doing enough, or worrying that we’re somehow failing. It’s normal to want to do your best, but sometimes, we can take things too far and become overly critical of ourselves. The line between motivating yourself and being too hard on yourself can be a tricky one to walk. But when you cross that line, it can really affect your mental health, and even hold you back from reaching your full potential. Here’s how you know you need to cut yourself some serious slack, and some ways to do exactly that.
1. You’re constantly thinking you’re not doing enough.
It’s one thing to want to push yourself, but it’s another to always feel like you’re falling short, no matter how much you’re doing. If you’re constantly running the narrative in your head that you should be doing more or that you’re never enough, that’s a sign you’re being too hard on yourself. Everyone has limits, and it’s okay to rest and recharge without feeling guilty. Recognise that doing your best doesn’t mean doing everything, and sometimes, less is more. Celebrate what you’re accomplishing rather than fixating on what’s left undone.
2. You measure your worth based on your productivity.
Society tends to celebrate productivity, and it can be easy to get sucked into thinking that the more you do, the more valuable you are. But when you start equating your self-worth with your productivity, you’re bound to feel exhausted and defeated. It’s important to remind yourself that your value isn’t defined by how much you get done in a day. You are worthy simply by being you, not by what you can achieve. If you catch yourself measuring your worth based on your to-do list, it’s time to take a step back and reassess how you’re treating yourself.
3. You’re afraid to make mistakes.
Mistakes are a natural part of life, and they’re often the best way to learn. But if you find yourself paralysed by the fear of making mistakes or feeling ashamed when they happen, it’s a clear sign you’re too hard on yourself. Mistakes don’t mean you’re failing; they just mean you’re human. It’s okay to slip up. What’s important is how you learn and grow from those experiences. Give yourself the permission to make mistakes and know that they don’t define your worth or capabilities.
4. You take everything personally.
If you’re constantly interpreting criticism or setbacks as personal failures, you might be too hard on yourself. Not every comment or situation is a reflection of your abilities or character. When you’re overly critical of yourself, it can make you feel like everything is a reflection of your worth. Try to separate yourself from external circumstances. If something doesn’t go the way you wanted, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It just means things didn’t work out this time. Learn from it and move on.
5. You don’t give yourself credit for what you’ve accomplished.
When you’re too hard on yourself, you often overlook your accomplishments, big or small. Instead of acknowledging what you’ve achieved, you might be focused on what’s next, or on the mistakes you made along the way. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to stop and reflect. Celebrate the progress you’ve made. Giving yourself credit for what you’ve done allows you to feel a sense of accomplishment and helps build your confidence. It’s not about being arrogant; it’s about recognising your hard work and giving yourself the praise you deserve.
6. You don’t allow yourself to rest.
Taking breaks is essential for your well-being, but when you’re hard on yourself, you might feel like you’re always “on” or “working” even when you’re not physically doing something. If you don’t allow yourself to rest, you risk burning out. Your body and mind need time to recharge so that you can be your best self. If you’re constantly pushing through exhaustion without taking breaks, it’s a sign that you might be overly critical of yourself. Rest isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
7. You often feel anxious about things you can’t control.
It’s normal to feel anxious from time to time, but if you’re constantly feeling anxious about things that are out of your control, it might be because you’re holding yourself responsible for things that aren’t your fault. Trying to control every aspect of life will only cause unnecessary stress. Accepting that you can’t control everything is a big step towards easing that anxiety. Focus on the things you can control — your thoughts, actions, and responses — and let go of the rest.
8. You’re always worried about letting everyone down.
While it’s natural to care about people’s feelings, constantly worrying about disappointing people can be draining. If you’re overly focused on what other people think of you or fearing that you’ll let someone down, it’s a sign that you’re being too hard on yourself. You can’t please everyone all the time, and that’s okay. What’s important is that you stay true to yourself and do your best. If you let go of the pressure to meet everyone else’s expectations, you’ll feel more at ease and free to live authentically.
9. You just can’t let go of past mistakes and regrets.
If you’re constantly thinking about what you could have done differently or holding onto past mistakes, it’s time to release those feelings. We all have regrets, but dwelling on them only stops you from moving forward. The key is to learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and let go of any guilt that’s been holding you back. You’re not defined by your past actions, and letting go of those past mistakes allows you to grow into the person you want to be.
10. You feel guilty about setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is a crucial part of self-care, but if you feel guilty for saying no or protecting your time and energy, you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. Boundaries are healthy. They don’t make you rude or selfish, but rather ensure that you don’t overextend yourself. If you’re constantly putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own and feeling guilty for prioritising yourself, it’s a clear sign you need to start being kinder to yourself.
11. You constantly compare yourself to other people.
Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say, and when you’re always comparing yourself to the people around you, you’re setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. Everyone is on their own path, and it’s not fair to measure your progress against someone else’s. Focus on your own journey, and remind yourself that your worth isn’t determined by how you measure up to anyone else. When you stop comparing, you open up space for self-acceptance and gratitude for where you are right now.
12. You don’t ask for help when you need it.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. But if you’re too hard on yourself, you might feel like you need to handle everything on your own, even when you’re struggling. It’s okay to lean on people for support, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a professional. Reaching out doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Asking for help when you need it is a form of self-compassion.
13. You struggle to accept compliments.
When you’re overly critical of yourself, you might have trouble accepting compliments. You might feel undeserving of praise, or you might downplay your accomplishments. But when someone gives you a compliment, it’s important to take it in stride and simply say thank you. You’re worthy of recognition, and accepting compliments graciously can help you feel more confident and positive about yourself.
14. You’re constantly thinking you’re not enough.
This is the root of a lot of self-criticism: the belief that you’re just not enough, whether it’s not smart enough, not productive enough, or not good enough as a person. This belief can seep into everything you do, making you feel like you’re constantly failing or falling short. The truth is, you are more than enough, just as you are. Learning to recognise these thoughts and challenge them can help you break free from the cycle of self-criticism and start embracing who you truly are.
