Talking about mental health doesn’t always come naturally, especially for men who were raised to stay quiet, “man up,” or deal with it alone.
The truth is, though, real strength is found in honesty, and opening up with your mates can change the tone of a whole friendship, and maybe even save a life, especially given the fact that three-quarters of all suicides are men, according to Priory. Here’s how to start the conversation in a way that feels genuine and doable. It’s not weird, feminine, or soft—it’s necessary.
1. Start small and keep it casual.
You don’t have to launch into a full life story to talk about how you’re feeling. Mentioning that you’ve been stressed, anxious, or just not yourself lately is enough to open the door. Keeping the tone light but honest helps ease everyone into it without making things feel intense or uncomfortable.
It could be as simple as saying, “Been feeling off lately, just trying to figure it out,” over a coffee or on a walk. That casual approach makes it easier for your friend to meet you where you’re at, without feeling like they need the perfect response.
2. Choose the right moment.
It’s easier to talk about serious stuff when you’re doing something side-by-side, like going for a drive, grabbing food, or watching a game. Sitting face-to-face can feel intense, but shared activities help take the pressure off and make the conversation feel more natural.
Pick a time when things aren’t rushed and there’s space to talk if it leads somewhere deeper. You don’t have to script it — just give yourself the right setting, and the words often come more easily than you’d expect.
3. Lead with your own experience.
If you want to check in on a mate but don’t know how to bring it up, sometimes the best way is to go first. Talking a little about your own stress or mental load gives them permission to do the same. It changes the tone from “let me fix you” to “I get it too.”
It can be as simple as, “Honestly, I’ve been struggling with sleep lately — feel like I’ve been carrying a lot.” That honesty doesn’t make things heavy, it just makes them real. And more often than not, it opens the door for connection instead of silence.
4. Ask how they’re really doing, then wait.
We’re used to the automatic “I’m good” response, but sometimes it just takes asking twice, and with real intent. Try “How have you actually been feeling lately?” and let the question land. The pause tells them you mean it, and that you’re not just making small talk.
Don’t worry about having the perfect follow-up. Just giving someone space to answer without rushing in to fill the silence can make a huge difference. You’re showing them you care enough to listen properly, not just tick the box.
5. Keep the conversation pressure-free.
If a mate doesn’t want to talk much at first, that’s okay. The goal isn’t to force vulnerability, it’s to show that the door’s open. Sometimes just letting someone know you’re there when they’re ready is all they need to take that first step later on.
Make it clear that you’re not expecting a full breakdown or emotional deep dive — you just care. That low-pressure approach makes it easier for them to speak up when it feels right for them, not when they feel cornered.
6. Normalise the ups and downs.
Talking about mental health doesn’t mean things have to be falling apart. You can mention everyday things like burnout, low energy, or being in a weird mood. This helps take away the shame and makes emotional struggles part of normal conversation, not something to whisper about.
The more you normalise mental health in your day-to-day chats, the less heavy it feels to bring up when things actually do get serious. It becomes something you can talk about like anything else — no weirdness, no judgement.
7. Focus on support, not solutions.
You don’t need to fix anything — just be present. A lot of guys shut down because they don’t want advice or judgement, they just want to feel heard. Listening properly and asking simple questions like “Want to talk about it?” or “What’s been on your mind?” is more powerful than giving tips or strategies.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can say is, “That sucks — I’m here, though.” Knowing someone’s in your corner makes things feel less isolating, even if nothing’s solved right away.
8. Don’t be afraid to follow up.
Checking in again later shows you actually meant it. A quick message like, “Been thinking about what you said the other day — how’ve things been?” reminds your mate that you haven’t forgotten. It also gives them a second chance to talk, which they might be more ready for now. Following up builds trust and breaks the pattern of one-off chats that go nowhere. It tells them this isn’t just about ticking a box. It’s about being part of their support system in the long run.
9. Offer to help them take the next step.
If your friend’s open to getting more support but unsure how to start, offer to walk that road with them. That could mean helping them find a therapist, going with them to a first appointment, or just checking in regularly. Having backup makes things feel less intimidating.
You’re not becoming their counsellor — just someone who’s willing to help them get what they need. That sense of teamwork can be the difference between staying stuck and actually taking a step toward feeling better.
10. Be the kind of friend you’d want on your worst day.
At the end of the day, the goal is simple: show up how you’d hope someone would show up for you. That doesn’t mean having the perfect words. It means being honest, available, and human about things that really matter. When you make space for your mates to talk about their mental health, you help change what’s “normal” in male friendships. In doing that, you’re not just helping one person — you’re quietly changing the culture for all of you.
