We’ve all heard the term “self-care” thrown around, especially these days. It’s become a buzzword that makes us think of candles, bubble baths, or a glass of wine after a long day. But while those things might be part of self-care, there’s so much more to it than just surface-level indulgence. Self-care isn’t about quick fixes or momentary distractions; it’s about looking after your physical, mental, and emotional well-being in a meaningful way. To clear things up, here are 15 things that self-care definitely isn’t.
1. Spending money you don’t have on things you don’t need
It can feel good to treat yourself with a new purchase. Who doesn’t love a trendy outfit, a fancy gadget, or an impulse buy? The problem is that spending money recklessly doesn’t actually help you take care of yourself. It might give you a temporary boost, but it’s not going to solve deeper issues or improve your well-being in the long run. True self-care is about making choices that help you feel good inside, not just getting a quick dopamine hit from a new possession.
2. Ignoring your mental health
Self-care isn’t just about physical health — it’s about mental health too. Ignoring stress, anxiety, or unresolved emotions is not self-care. Just because you’ve treated yourself to a night out or a spa day doesn’t mean you’re giving your mind the attention it needs. True self-care involves acknowledging and addressing your mental health, whether that means therapy, journaling, or simply allowing yourself time to rest.
3. Avoiding your problems
It’s tempting to escape into distractions, such as binge-watching TV, scrolling through social media, or eating comfort food, when things feel overwhelming. But these aren’t long-term solutions. Avoiding your problems only allows them to pile up, and it leaves you feeling worse in the end. Real self-care is about confronting what’s going on, whether it’s having tough conversations, setting boundaries, or working through difficult emotions.
4. Overworking yourself to “earn” relaxation
You might think that the only way to truly rest is by working yourself into the ground, but self-care isn’t about earning your right to relax. In fact, overworking is the opposite of self-care. If you’re constantly pushing yourself to the limit just to “deserve” a break, it’s time to reassess how you’re managing your time. Self-care is about balance — taking breaks without feeling guilty, setting realistic expectations, and giving yourself permission to rest when you need it.
5. Saying yes to everything out of guilt
Being constantly available to other people, even when it’s at the expense of your own well-being, isn’t self-care. We often say yes to things we don’t want to do because we feel guilty or fear letting someone down. But self-care is about learning to say no when you need to, protecting your energy, and setting boundaries. Saying yes out of guilt only leads to burnout and resentment.
6. Putting everyone else’s needs above your own all the time
It’s natural to want to help people, but if you’re always prioritising everyone else’s needs over your own, you’re not practising self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-care involves taking care of your own needs first, whether it’s setting aside time for yourself, saying no to extra commitments, or making sure you’re getting the rest and nourishment you need to function.
7. Overindulging in food or alcohol
While it might feel comforting in the moment, overindulging in food or alcohol isn’t real self-care. Sure, the occasional treat or glass of wine with friends is fine, but using food or alcohol to cope with stress or emotions doesn’t help your long-term well-being. True self-care is about nourishing your body with the foods that fuel it and making mindful choices, not relying on unhealthy habits to escape from what’s going on in your life.
8. Bottling up your feelings
Pretending everything is fine when it’s not is a form of self-sabotage, not self-care. Bottling up your feelings — anger, sadness, frustration, or whatever else you’re experiencing — doesn’t help you heal. Eventually, those emotions will spill over, and they’ll be harder to deal with when you haven’t processed them properly. Self-care is about being honest with yourself and other people about how you feel, and taking the time to work through those emotions in a healthy way.
9. Comparing yourself to other people
Scrolling through social media and comparing your life to someone else’s “highlight reel” isn’t self-care; it’s a quick path to insecurity and dissatisfaction. Self-care is about focusing on your own journey, not measuring your worth against someone else. It’s about appreciating your unique path, acknowledging your progress, and not getting caught up in the illusion that everyone else has it all figured out.
10. Perfectionism
Thinking you need to be perfect in every area of your life is exhausting and ultimately unsustainable. Perfectionism can cause unnecessary stress and self-criticism, which goes against the core principles of self-care. It’s okay to be imperfect. In fact, self-care is about embracing your flaws and allowing yourself the freedom to be human. Let go of the need to be flawless, and focus on being the best version of yourself, imperfections and all.
11. Letting other people dictate your worth
Relying on external validation, whether it’s from your partner, friends, or colleagues, means you’re outsourcing your self-worth to other people. This isn’t self-care. True self-care comes from within. It’s about building confidence, self-love, and self-respect without needing anyone else to affirm your value. When you value yourself, you don’t need constant reassurance from outside sources.
12. Relying on quick fixes
Self-care isn’t about finding a quick fix or temporary solution to your problems. A bubble bath or a few hours of binge-watching Netflix might feel like a relief, but they won’t address the root causes of your stress or burnout. Real self-care is about long-term, sustainable habits that support your overall well-being. It’s about creating a routine that includes regular breaks, healthy boundaries, and time for self-reflection.
13. Ignoring your physical health
Self-care doesn’t just mean taking care of your mental and emotional well-being; it’s also about your physical health. Skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or neglecting exercise isn’t self-care. Taking care of your body is a vital part of self-care. When you treat your body well with nutritious food, adequate rest, and regular physical activity, it supports your mind and emotions as well.
14. Isolating yourself completely
It’s easy to retreat when you’re feeling down, but isolation can often make things worse. While spending time alone can be part of self-care, cutting yourself off from people completely isn’t healthy. Connecting with loved ones, even if it’s just a text or a quick phone call, can help you feel supported and less alone. Self-care isn’t about pushing people away; it’s about finding balance and leaning on someone else when you need to.
15. Feeling guilty about taking time for yourself
Many of us feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, especially if we feel like there’s always something else we should be doing. But self-care is about giving yourself permission to rest and recharge without guilt. It’s essential to recognise that you deserve time for yourself just as much as anyone else. Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re lazy or unproductive; it means you’re prioritising your well-being so you can show up as your best self.
