We all have those little habits, traits, or ways of reacting that make us… well, us. Maybe you’re the one who gets super quiet when things get overwhelming, or perhaps you always seem to push people away before they can get too close. These quirks might feel normal to you, but have you ever stopped to wonder if they might actually be trauma responses in disguise? Sometimes, our brains and bodies develop coping mechanisms from past experiences—some of which we might not even realise are connected to trauma. Here are some signs that what you’ve always considered just your “quirks” might actually be your mind’s way of trying to protect you.
1. You have trouble trusting people.
It’s not that you’re suspicious or paranoid on purpose—it’s just that trusting people has always been a challenge. Maybe you’ve been let down or hurt before, and now, even the closest people in your life make you uneasy. If you’re constantly second-guessing whether people have your best interests at heart, it could be a trauma response from past betrayal, abandonment, or emotional hurt.
2. You keep people at arm’s length.
If you’re someone who avoids getting too close to people, especially emotionally, it might seem like you just prefer your own space. But if you’re pushing people away out of fear of getting hurt, this could be a trauma response. Having been hurt in the past can create walls that protect you from future pain, even if it means missing out on deeper connections with other people.
3. You have a fear of being abandoned.
Maybe you find yourself constantly worrying that the people you care about will leave you, or that you’re not important enough to stick around for. This fear, while it might seem like just a worry, could actually be tied to past experiences of abandonment or neglect. It’s like your brain is always anticipating that the worst will happen to avoid being blindsided again.
4. You over-apologise for everything.
Do you find yourself saying sorry a million times a day, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? This might seem like a quirky habit, but it could be a trauma response from growing up in an environment where you were constantly criticised or made to feel like you were never enough. Over-apologising can be a way to avoid conflict or prevent people from getting upset with you.
5. You have difficulty saying “no” to people.
Saying “no” can feel like a personal failure, and that fear of disappointing anyone might lead you to agree to things you don’t want to do. This can be a trauma response from past experiences where you were punished for setting boundaries, or maybe it comes from the need to seek validation and approval from other people. Your people-pleasing tendencies might feel like a quirk, but they could be rooted in a fear of rejection.
6. You avoid confrontation at all costs.
You’d rather keep quiet, walk away, or just ignore any sort of conflict than face it head-on. While some people don’t like confrontation, for others, the idea of arguing or confronting someone triggers feelings of fear or anxiety. If you’ve experienced trauma in the form of conflict, violence, or emotional outbursts, avoiding confrontation can be a protective mechanism.
7. You have trouble accepting compliments.
When someone gives you a compliment, you might deflect it or brush it off, even though it’s meant to make you feel good. This can be a response to past trauma where you were made to feel unworthy or were never praised for your accomplishments. Rejecting compliments might seem like a quirky part of your personality, but it can be a way of protecting yourself from vulnerability or feelings of inadequacy.
8. You’re constantly self-critical.
Maybe you have that inner voice that’s always telling you you’re not good enough or that you need to do better. This self-criticism can be a trauma response from growing up in a critical environment or dealing with emotional neglect. Over time, this inner voice can become so ingrained that you believe it’s just your personality. In reality, it’s your brain’s way of trying to stay safe by overcompensating for perceived flaws.
9. You avoid emotions altogether.
You might be someone who bottles everything up and doesn’t let emotions surface. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or even joy, you keep your feelings in check. This could be a trauma response to previous experiences where showing emotions led to negative outcomes, like rejection or punishment. It’s easier to stay neutral than to risk being vulnerable.
10. You keep yourself busy to avoid feeling.
Maybe you’re always on the go—busy with work, social commitments, or hobbies—because you find it hard to slow down and sit with your own feelings. Staying busy is a distraction from the pain, and for some, it’s a trauma response. When life feels overwhelming or the past keeps haunting you, keeping busy can be a way to avoid facing the difficult emotions that come with slowing down.
11. You have trouble accepting love or affection.
If love or affection makes you uncomfortable, or if you push people away when they try to show you care, it could be tied to past trauma. For some, love feels like something that’s conditional or comes with strings attached, so they reject it as a way to protect themselves from getting hurt. It might seem like a quirk or just personal space, but it could be deeply rooted in fear of being let down.
12. You feel like you have to be perfect.
This one’s tough, but it’s something many people with trauma experience. If you feel like you have to be perfect to avoid rejection, criticism, or failure, it’s likely a trauma response. Perfectionism is a way of controlling things and avoiding judgment, especially when you’ve experienced criticism or unrealistic expectations in the past. You might think it’s just a quirk of wanting to do things right, but it’s often a shield against the fear of not being enough.
13. You get easily overwhelmed.
It’s easy to think you’re just prone to stress or that you’re sensitive, but sometimes, feeling constantly overwhelmed can be a sign that your nervous system is still reacting to past trauma. Whether it’s big life events or the little things, when you’re always on edge, your brain may be stuck in a heightened state of alert, trying to protect you from things that feel threatening.
